I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize