so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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