I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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