careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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