i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
