he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
