Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
