Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
