what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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