I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
