We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
