Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
