i don't like sucking hair
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
