My balls are so social today.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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