We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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