Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
