You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
