just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just want to make out with him forever
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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