pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize