So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
