Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
