Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
