It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
