a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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