i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize