We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
