I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
