Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
