Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
