Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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