the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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