god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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