Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
