Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize