Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We're too hungover to prance.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
