Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
