OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
