I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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