I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
