In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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