she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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