Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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