About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i will never coherently bang her
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
