just come out here and I will go home with you...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
