I just threw up on my dentist
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
