he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
