i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Please, let me fuck your mom
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
