Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
