thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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