i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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