Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
