Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
