Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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