Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
