respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
