Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
