i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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