My sheets look like a crime scene.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
