I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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