So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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