Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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