I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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