I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
