I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
