What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
